update. 5/6/11

I just have to say "I love my new job!!". I would shout it from the roof tops if I thought anyone in the world cared. It might not make me a millionaire but really, who can complain when they get to sit down, play on Facebook, answer the phone a few time and not deal with a single solitary other employee...and I get to people watch everyone at the mall! I seriously lucked out with this one. I came and interviewed and really didn't think I got it. Actually I didn't get it. Then the other person who was working the night shift got a job as an instructor so I got the night time office job. Thank you College Of Wilmington!!!

In other news, I have been having these headaches for almost a year now. These sinus headaches, or I need new contact headaches, or I need to wear my retainer every once in a while headaches. And I have been passing out every 2 or 3 months and just being totally out of it. Soooo I finally went to the doctor, (because I have insurance again...which is another story all together) and she told me....drum roll please.....are you ready?.....They are stress related migraines. To the point where when I jokingly say I'm going to give my self a stroke...well I might. All of this time I have been putting off the headaches as only minor related to the passing out. Like I was just having them worse when I fainted but they were two different things. Nope. So in an effort to reduce the stress, I quit Kohl's!!!, I was never going to make enough money to justify the hours they gave me or the way they treated their employees. But Im just so glad to know that Im not crazy. I felt like I was just missing something. Every time I talked to another doctor they played it off as if I just was someone who had headaches. Finally Dr. Alatar TALKED to me about it. No more caffeine. Reduce the stress. Take the right medicine when I feel a headache coming on. It was like I had been waiting on someone to give me permission to feel better. Maybe just the worrying about something being wrong was making it worse. But everything boils down to migranes. The fainting even.

wasting my life away day after day

Despite what most people think of me...Im a planner. I will drive myself crazy trying to plan the rest of my life, to the point where I forget to do anything today. Yes its true that I love an adventure. And in those moments of adventure I can finally stop planning so much. Maybe thats why I seek out adventure and odd things that other people wouldnt do. So I can just breath. So Im making a HUGE effort to just be. To be on the inside what other people seem to think I am on the outside. I want to tackle my life in the way I would tackle a trip...have an outline...and let if fill its self in. How much stress could I take off myself if I could just relax?!

So my goals this year: to find ways to be relaxed, and happy all the time.

I think I want to start writing again. And reading more. And sewing more.And cooking more. And school. Im really excited about school.