well..its ah...been a while....

So its been quite a while since I wrote on here. Like a really long time, so I decided to update ...well my life.

So after my last post, shaun and I broke up. Baddly. But that was over a year ago. I went ahead and  moved to Utah. Salt lake city to be exact, like I had planned to do with Shaun to make life easier. Well I wasnt doing so great still and my friends sister needed some help so after about a week in SLC I moved to......Vinice Beach California!!! I have the best time. I got to spend every day with an adorable 4 year old Amelia. Durring that time I got to do some really cool things, like window shop on Rodeo Dr. and watch my ward play flag football in the shadow of the LA temple. I knew it was time to go back to Utah but I also knew that SLC wasnt going to be the right fit this time.

So...I decided to move to Provo. Being the headstrong person I am, I moved in to a Beautiful apartment on the side of the mtn. That I had NO business living in alone because of the price. However because of this apartment, I got to go to an amazing ward. My ward was in the student center on the BYU campus. Nothing could make my mother happier than me being right in the middle of it all. Nothing but me going to BYU or maybe me giving her a grand kid. NEITHER OF THOSE ARE HAPPENING ANY TIME SOON.

But after teaching a friend to make grits, an ugly sweater party, getting a great job, some very interesting ward get togethers....I got set up on a blind date. We were going to temple square to see the lights. There was a group of us. My friend Jason, his friend, me and this girl stephine. Ok so I was exausted, I dont remember why but I was. So i was pretty funny if I do say so myself. But this girl Steph thought I was funny too. So...Im super lucky to call her my friend now. There were many days that I dont know what  I would have done with out her. Even today she made me laugh with out even beening in the same place.

It was about that time that I decided to start giving plasma. OK ok I know that sounds super lame. but heres the deal it gave me extra cash and it helped other people. The short version of the story is, in Feb. I saw this really cute couple of guys walk in to the center. Yes one of them is a red head. But they came in with a girl and I never caught their eye. So onward and upward. The next week, there their were again. Oh yes. I was on my game. I felt funny, cute and most of all who wont have a good day when Newsies is on tv. So after making my way to sit next to them. I started talking, all three of us were seeming to have a good time. Then one of them asked for my number said some thing to the affect of lets hang out. Ok ... sounds good. If nothing else I made some new friends.

WELL, he didnt call or text me. ...in what I deemed a reasonable amount of time....so I "accidently" texted him. We got to talking, and some how for some reason...he texted me a picture of him drinking milk. So in respondce i sent him a picture of me wearing a "anti bite" dog collar. One would think that was the end of it right?! NO WAY. My honey invited me to hang out the next night and during that time I met the red head again (tyson , whom i love) and some of his other friend.

It was about 3 weeks later, after he already met my mama, that I had some finacial problems and needed to move home. Welp, there was no hesitation. Rich decided to move with me. Accross the country. To LELAND!! it must be love.

alot of thing happened between then and now, but were still together. Here in Leland, NC. very happy. with two kittys. I still love tyson, and steph. and miss utah like crazy but life has a way of working out so lets just keep moving forward.

Oh peter pan week...why do you always do this to us?

Who doesnt want to just craw in there bed and eat a nice big bowl of chicken noodle soup and watch movies or read a book when they have a cold? Even when you have to tough it out and go to work during the day you know you have that nice warm bed to come home to. Oh and a hot shower! Oh the simple glories of a hot shower to help you breath.......



oh....thats right...its 90 degrees outside and I managed to get a cold...in the middle of July.

It never fails. Every year since I was... 13 I believe I have worked for a rummer camp doing the office work. At first it was as a volunteer and now its paid(because the kindness has run and low as my bank account) and every week we have like 45-80 kids doing drama, music, art and dance all day getting ready for a show on friday. Wep, every single year....peter pan week is cursed. And this was the week. It was supposed to be a short week. It was a four day week to honor the birthday of America... what with July 4th being monday and all we thought it would be an easy breezy week. WE THOUGHT WRONG. I feel to get my point across for this one, Ill have to revert to my old southern roots.... I have been beat, downtrodden, left for the wolfs and last but not least I feel like and most of the week I have looked like I was rode hard and put up wet. In fact a little girl asked me on tueday, as she was circling me like a shark waiting for her prey to give in and die, "why are you wearing your glasses?" " Well" I told her "Ive been sneezing all morning and didnt feel like dealing with my contacts." " hum" As shes continued to go all the way around me she looking me up and down, mind you shes an eleven year old camper with an attitude that would make a grown man think twice about crossing her she looks me dead in the face and says in a syrupy sweet voice " did you brush your hair today?....actually I can tell that you didnt" This was DAY ONE of camp. Between campers and parents and other employees and then my other job, and house sitting and moving and church.....Im sooo over peter pan week.

update. 5/6/11

I just have to say "I love my new job!!". I would shout it from the roof tops if I thought anyone in the world cared. It might not make me a millionaire but really, who can complain when they get to sit down, play on Facebook, answer the phone a few time and not deal with a single solitary other employee...and I get to people watch everyone at the mall! I seriously lucked out with this one. I came and interviewed and really didn't think I got it. Actually I didn't get it. Then the other person who was working the night shift got a job as an instructor so I got the night time office job. Thank you College Of Wilmington!!!

In other news, I have been having these headaches for almost a year now. These sinus headaches, or I need new contact headaches, or I need to wear my retainer every once in a while headaches. And I have been passing out every 2 or 3 months and just being totally out of it. Soooo I finally went to the doctor, (because I have insurance again...which is another story all together) and she told me....drum roll please.....are you ready?.....They are stress related migraines. To the point where when I jokingly say I'm going to give my self a stroke...well I might. All of this time I have been putting off the headaches as only minor related to the passing out. Like I was just having them worse when I fainted but they were two different things. Nope. So in an effort to reduce the stress, I quit Kohl's!!!, I was never going to make enough money to justify the hours they gave me or the way they treated their employees. But Im just so glad to know that Im not crazy. I felt like I was just missing something. Every time I talked to another doctor they played it off as if I just was someone who had headaches. Finally Dr. Alatar TALKED to me about it. No more caffeine. Reduce the stress. Take the right medicine when I feel a headache coming on. It was like I had been waiting on someone to give me permission to feel better. Maybe just the worrying about something being wrong was making it worse. But everything boils down to migranes. The fainting even.

wasting my life away day after day

Despite what most people think of me...Im a planner. I will drive myself crazy trying to plan the rest of my life, to the point where I forget to do anything today. Yes its true that I love an adventure. And in those moments of adventure I can finally stop planning so much. Maybe thats why I seek out adventure and odd things that other people wouldnt do. So I can just breath. So Im making a HUGE effort to just be. To be on the inside what other people seem to think I am on the outside. I want to tackle my life in the way I would tackle a trip...have an outline...and let if fill its self in. How much stress could I take off myself if I could just relax?!

So my goals this year: to find ways to be relaxed, and happy all the time.

I think I want to start writing again. And reading more. And sewing more.And cooking more. And school. Im really excited about school.

Because I needed to if Im gong to say i have a blog.

So I have been home from Florida for about 2 and a half weeks, and I hate it. I hate that minutes feel like hours and days feel like weeks. I hate that I get needy and want to cry and complain until Shaun caves and just comes to see me. Actually I just want to skip ahead a year or two. I am just ready to be done with school, Im tired of it hanging over my head. Im ready to have a house and a job that I like and to be able to come home to the man I love. Really Im just feeling this way because Shauns phone charger decided it wasnt going to work any more so Im feeling it will be a few long days until he gets a new one. I realize how much of my life he is when I know I cant talk to him. Its pretty crazy that it physically hurts to know I wont get to hear his voice. Blah blah blah ok .... So Florida! it was great. Honestly. I wanted to panic but...well who am i kidding i did panic. The first whole day I was there I was freaking out! Sharlene and Les really are very nice but still to meet someone whom you loves parents is nerve racking. What if you are not who they expect you to be? What if they dont like you? ahhhhh anyway, it was really nice. The night I got there had been a longggg day. I walked off the plane in atlanta and my flip flops broke! haha i know its silly but oh man it made me mad. But then when I got to Fort Myers....I got to see shaun and the whole 4 months and 1 day and long day and broken flip flops didnt matter. SO the next morning we went to meet his mom and les. And she brought me pictures of shaun when he was little!!! ahhh hahaha mullet! curly, long mullet! but man was he ever gorgeous. that blonde hair and those blue eyes. we also ate alligator that day. *the next day we woke up early and went on the 5 hour drive through the everglades to the keys. which are BEAUTIFUL. we went down to key west and then back up to marathon where our hotel was. we all got dressed nice and went to dinner for mine and shauns anniversary. that dinner was interesting. the waitress didnt put our order in to the kitchen for almost 45 min. it was crazy. then when we went back to the hotel and shaun and I went swimming. I love swimming i think sometimes I forget. Shaun ofcourse is a great swimmer. I have decided there isnt anything he cant do. which is annoying haha. *The next day we decided to have a lazy morning and then took off back to Fort Myers...I was enjoying the morning sun with the window down. we had decided we wanted to do an airboat ride so we took our time and found a really cool indian reservation that did tours. I thought the tour its self was awesome... i would have enjoyed the boat ride itself... but then we found what shaun and sharlene were looking for... the GATORS!!! haha we found a ton and they ate it up. I can see sharlene in shaun sometimes...but most definately that day in the everglades when both of their faces were bright with excitement. ohh an i got sunburned from having the window down! haha *most of the days we got to just play and do silly things. We went to a flee market which was really cool and a nice way to spend the day. * RED SOX DAYYYYYYYYYYYY- 6 of 7 starters. big papi (strick out 3 times wich sucked but it was sweet to see him play), Pedoria!!!!!!!!!! please need I say more?, shaun bought me the best shirt-redsox saint pattys day spring training. * i FINALLY got to taste sharlenes home made mac and cheese i have been hearing about for a year.very good. and then we had to leave. which was sad because sharlene cried and i didnt feel as lame knowing im not the only one who crys when he leaves anyway that was the jest of my trip... i have these priceless moments that a just for my memory. and then i have the stories i get to tell people.

on this day of morning

I cant imagine what it feels like to lose a spouse. Let alone a child. But for my Uncle Dyion he has now lost a wife-the mother of his children, a son, and now a second wife. I dont even understand the strength of character that keeps someone moving after so much loss. The truth is its not that Im sad for my Aunt Jan, she is out of pain and can finally be free of her earthy constranints. I am sad for us, those of us who watched her in the last few years still have a smile on her face even through her pain. I dont have alot to say just that I miss her, but Im glad shes finally at ease.

On this day of thanks...

I have so much I am grateful for. Like most of us, I dont acknowledge some of the things I have in my life like I should. Unanswered prayers and unrealised blessings abound in my life. Ive been thinking about it a lot lately...I am so grateful that my life isnt where I thought it would be. The beauty of it all is that I have stopped planning life and now I just get to enjoy it. My home has changed and evolved with every decision in my life. When I was in high school I ached to move away, be on my own, be someone else. When I moved to Missouri I met some of my best friends, I learned how much I loved to do things on my own, I found a way to love my self and my God. But then I was ready to be an adult of some sorts. So I moved to Utah. There I found my religion, a way to love my family from a distance and a fear of not being on my very own. I prayed and prayed that I would get to do this forever. I loved who I was and desperately hoped I would never have to change my life. I love my friends, but the funny part is the people whom I love the most are the ones I didnt see coming. I ran out of money. One of Gods most amazing unanswered prayers and unrealized blessings. I, in the last 10 months, have found a way to love being home. I love my family. My mom is my best friend. I get the chance to spend time with people whom might not be around forever. I fell in love with an amazing man whom I would have never met with out falling on my face once or twice and getting broke. On this day of thanks giving I want to give thanks to a mother who let me be my own self, to Shaun for loving me for who I am, for my family who drives me crazy and for Gods unanswered prayers and the blessings I am sometimes unaware of.