on this day of morning

I cant imagine what it feels like to lose a spouse. Let alone a child. But for my Uncle Dyion he has now lost a wife-the mother of his children, a son, and now a second wife. I dont even understand the strength of character that keeps someone moving after so much loss. The truth is its not that Im sad for my Aunt Jan, she is out of pain and can finally be free of her earthy constranints. I am sad for us, those of us who watched her in the last few years still have a smile on her face even through her pain. I dont have alot to say just that I miss her, but Im glad shes finally at ease.

On this day of thanks...

I have so much I am grateful for. Like most of us, I dont acknowledge some of the things I have in my life like I should. Unanswered prayers and unrealised blessings abound in my life. Ive been thinking about it a lot lately...I am so grateful that my life isnt where I thought it would be. The beauty of it all is that I have stopped planning life and now I just get to enjoy it. My home has changed and evolved with every decision in my life. When I was in high school I ached to move away, be on my own, be someone else. When I moved to Missouri I met some of my best friends, I learned how much I loved to do things on my own, I found a way to love my self and my God. But then I was ready to be an adult of some sorts. So I moved to Utah. There I found my religion, a way to love my family from a distance and a fear of not being on my very own. I prayed and prayed that I would get to do this forever. I loved who I was and desperately hoped I would never have to change my life. I love my friends, but the funny part is the people whom I love the most are the ones I didnt see coming. I ran out of money. One of Gods most amazing unanswered prayers and unrealized blessings. I, in the last 10 months, have found a way to love being home. I love my family. My mom is my best friend. I get the chance to spend time with people whom might not be around forever. I fell in love with an amazing man whom I would have never met with out falling on my face once or twice and getting broke. On this day of thanks giving I want to give thanks to a mother who let me be my own self, to Shaun for loving me for who I am, for my family who drives me crazy and for Gods unanswered prayers and the blessings I am sometimes unaware of.

my birthday

Shaun had been asking me for my moms number which was weird. Well so Im standing there at Kohls with a line waiting for me to ring them up when this smelly delivery guy asked who Katie Dawson was. I looked at him and said something about me being the only katie d who works there and he turned around showing me the most BEAUTIFUL flowers.

Shauns christmas!!!!

So I have been working really hard at keeping this a secret... I totally cant keep present secrets....BUT for the last few weeks I have been working on a quilt. I found this really nice blue fabic. and then a green piece and then...oh then I found a green and blue plaid with hunting orange pin stipe!!! so clearly I had to get that too. All in all I ended up with some hunter orange fleece and a patterned piece with bears and moose on it! Oh I am so excited about this. it is done now but here are some pics of the work in progress.

Tauna and I cut out the 12x12 squares and I sewed them all together. Then Mrs Tammy let me put it on her quilter to finish it.

Rainy day.....rainy rainy day.

So this past week, maybe you have heard, the East Coast was hammered with rain. And more rain and more rain.. I mean we started this week with so much rain on sunday and monday we beat our biggest record... and that was during a hurricane!! haha so monday maggie and I didnt want to partake in the service group so we went and played in the rain.

quilts and recipes and contact and brakes!!!!

So the service group at church has been working on these " ugly" quilts for homeless people that have handles and are actually pretty cute. They are patch work squares that are sewn together with frayed edges and they fold up. But the whole group has been working on them and I decided I would be adventurous and try to make a quilt too. I can sew but I am by no means a seamstress. haha. So I thought that if I were to tackle a patch work one made out of my old shirts and things that wouldnt be too complicated. Well my mom had the brilliant idea that I should make Shaun a quilt!!! I am so excited. I mean really, what better way to stay warm than with a hand made quilt. Since he drives all over and ends up sleeping in a tin box essentially, I thought it would be a great way to feel close to him and occupy my time. I have picked out some really great " hunt-y boy-y" fabric as my mama and I put it. I just hope I dont ruin it.

Lately I have been dreaming recipes again. Like the " im going to open a tavern one day and want to have my own recipes" kind of dreams. I am almost always teaching someone how to do the recipe and I wake up thinking things are burning because I fell asleep. I really want to have a big enough kitchen or some hungry friends to try them out on.

Shaun has been bugging me to get contacts again. He knows I miss wearing them and that my glasses have been giving me headaches lately. I have been wearing contacts since the 4th grade and for the past 5 months I have had to wear my glasses. It has been awful. We went to Carowinds and I had an old pair with me that ended up being worse than not wearing glasses at all. So I digress, He sent me some money today and I walked in to the eye doctor .... eyes tested, Z V B E, Better one or two.... and 30 min later I was in contacts again!!!! THEN to make it even better he sent me enough money to FINALLY fix my brakes. We changed...well will changed my break pads about a month ago but my roaders were just for lack of a better term-shot. So Will bought the stuff today and changed my roaders!!!! my jeep no longer seems like the sketchiest car on the road with the rumble rumble rumble to a stop. If I didnt miss Shaun so much today would have been pretty amazing. I got the spend the whole day with my mom. I planned out my Christmas present for shaun... hopefully I can keep the secret. and had a good day over all.

on a side note I love my mom. I miss megan and tim. I miss katie, anna and brittany. I miss Jessie whom i have neglected to call. I miss utah and missouri. I miss tara, derek, beth, heather and derek. I miss Miekel and cassie. I miss MIRANDA RIANE. but i am happy today.

2 months of waiting....

I miss Shaun already. He just left on monday and I feel like he has been gone for weeks. It had been two months since I saw him when he got here. But this time I got to have a resemblance of a normal life with him. We went to dinner, and played games at my house with my mom. We went to Carowinds... which is an amusement park... and rode every single ride. How I wish I was kidding. And now he is gone. But alas life goes on until next time, I guess its back to phone calls and missing him.

We took this picture at Ft. Fisher. I hadnt been there is ages. It was fun to be there with someone who loves history and especially war history as much as I do.

I got a job. 2 actually. I havent started to integrated the two of them yet, but Im really excited to have money. Im working at Kohls and McDonalds. I would really like to get a job at like a outdoors-y store.. but at this juncture in time I will most definitely take what I have over nothing.

Hopefully life will get smoother from here on out. My birthday is coming up in just a few months, that is my favorite time of year. It seems like the holidays fly by after that. Its my birthday then Halloween then thanksgiving and CHRISTMASSSSS!!!!! then its new years and suddenly valentines day is followed by st patricks day. Just all goody goody goodness!!! Im not the type that pines for summer all year round. I want to be able to wear scarfs and drink hot cider. Eat chili and watch football and hockey. I want to decorate the house and make cookies.

Have your self a Greyhound day!

So I met Shaun a little of 4 months ago, and at this point he is my best friend. The person I want to talk to first when Im happy, sad, lonely, have a good story, basically at any point he is the person I want to talk to. I am in love with him and cant imagine how I thought I loved any one else before. I think back to people I have had serious crushes on and thinking back on those butterflies you get when they look at you, I thought that was by far the best feeling in the world, and then with in days of knowing Shaun that feeling was nothing in comparison.

I had just come home from Tara and Derek's wedding in New Mexico and had to go back to Utah to get my stuff and my Jeep. So being me, I thought why not ride a Greyhound bus out? I mean that is seriously an adventure. So begrudgingly my mom and Bruce said ok and sent me on my merry way. The Greyhound is a story in and of its self. My first attempt was cancelled because of some bad weather in Dallas. So hours later I found myself at the station in Wilmington waiting for my bus that was going up (with many stops in between) to Richmond, VA. - Pittsburgh, PA. - St. Louis, MO.- Salina, KS.-Denver, CO.- Laramie, WY.-Salt Lake City, UT. While standing in line for said bus, I met what would become a very good story. Her name was Flo. oh my little friend Flo. I later came to know that her name wasnt in fact Florence like I assumed, instead her name is actually Florella. But I digress, Flo immediately stated calling me her bus buddy. She maybe weighed 108 soaking wet,had a mop of mousy brown hair and a very oddly place eyebrow ring. She had been living in Wallace with a boyfriend, but that had recently gone sour so she was going to stay with her dad( which I have recently learned meant go live in the same city as her dad and actually living with yet some other man) in Illinois. We quickly learned we were lucky enough to be on the same bus, despite many transfers, all the way to St. Louis!!!! I felt like someone had left a puppy with me. I wanted to just leave her in a bathroom or something but she would look at me and before I knew it I was offering her food and my blanket and even my Ipod to listen to.

On the first bus, (wilmington to richmond, VA- reported to take 6 hours. real time 8) a man was smoking crack in the bathroom and the bus driver threw him off on the side of the highway. This was in the middle of the night mind you. We then stopped in a very small town where all the smokers ran off the bus to get a chance to get some " fresh air". This would happen every...say hour and a half or many of the " fresh air" seekers would become.... how to say this....like 5 years old and crying for their favorite toy. Upon leaving that particular stop a very irate black man and his asian girlfriend tried to cut the bus off with their SUV. When the bus driver finally opened the window the man yelled that " thats my girls bus. You have to let her on." To which the drive closed his window. When this happened so much that it was becoming EXTREMELY annoying at 3 am the driver finally told him to come to the next bus stop and she could get on.

Well we ( how I will refer to flo and myself from now on) missed our connection bus in Richmond because the first bus was running so late. So off the bus in Richmond it was. 4am. Bus station. I naturally had to take all of Flos bags and my own over to the only spot I could see where there wasnt trash and/or puke on the floor. Or already taken by someone sleeping on their bags. Flo had to call the ex-boyfriend and keep him updated so she had to go find a plug for her charger. I told her to stay where I could see her, I wasnt about to lose her at this point. This is where I met the Jersey crew. There were these two ROUGH looking men and this really nice however ghetto italian girl who were going back to Jersey. Some how the girl decided I was her new friend, at 4 am I didnt really care, and while the men made very strange comments to each other she (sondra) sat on the bench with me and told me all three life stories. The creepier younger man, who was hitting pretty consistently on Flo, was her cousin and worked with the other man as a roofer. They worked in NC for 6 months and Jersey the other 6. The older man, was her boyfriend, who I then learned had been there when she was born. He was good friends with her father and while she had dated some interesting men, many of whom she divulged unnecessary information and showed me pictures on facebook, Franko had held out for her ( while holding out he had been married 4 times and had children who were both older and younger than her). They had been together for a year and again she divulged WAY too much information about their personal relationship.

After a 4 hour sit in Richmond we finally got on a bus, the long story short is I decided if Flo was going to stick to me like she was my kid so she would be treated. I watched her stuff as she went and got food or went to the bathroom. I would make sure she did both at all of our big stops. She always got on the bus right after me and I would walk past the first empty seat and tell her to go ahead. I tried to stay pretty close to her but not TOO close. the row behind her was perfect. I could see she wasnt getting in trouble or saying things like " I cant believe how much money my mom sent me with" or " Ive never been on a Greyhound I hope I dont get lost". Our DC stop was no different. I got on the bus first walked past this really nice looking lady with an open seat and opted for the window seat with the less than really nice looking guy. MISTAKE. He tried to lay his head on my shoulder at one point and I honestly was just to tired to care. Until he stated to put his hands on me. I shut that down or so I thought. I was finally nodding off and he leans over to try and kiss me. NO GO. I ended up with my back completely to him and my forehead resting on the window... for an hour.

Our bus was continuously running late so we rolled in to Pittsburgh with about 15 min before our bus was scheduled to leave so Flo and I took advantage of the few min to go to a stationary yet still unsanitary bathroom and try to charge our phones. Which for me meant having to plug in my computer and then charge my phone from that. After realizing what time it was we ran to the line, only to find the unreasonably rude bus driver only begining to take tickets. When I got to the front of the line the bus diver, who I shall call Lafaunda because believe me it fits her personality, was telling this obviously worn down woman with her grandchildren in a stroller that she must get a tag for said stroller. She proceeded to berate this woman and tell her after a good min and a half of ranting that if she didnt hurry the bus WOULD leave her. I desperately wanted to care but at 9 am and 19 hours on a bus already I just couldnt. So Flo and I did out typical routine where I got on first and lead us to our seats some where, this time would clearly be a the back of the bus. All was normal, well Greyhound normal anyway, until I saw this big goofy smile up ahead of me. I made an executive decision that I would take the first open seat, the one directly behind mister big grin, and Flo was stuck sitting next to the very strange and very high man.

The people on the bus were your normal variety of old and young, sane sitting with sane and cracked out mixing with the stoned and psychotic. Lucky for me the group of them sitting around me had all been together for almost a full day at this point and seemed pretty low key. Even more lucky for me, Shaun was mister big grin sitting in front of me. The asian girl next to him, who I thought he was interested in at the time, seemed so normal until a few hours later she revealed she was in a gang and started flipping out about getting to her destination on time. Across the isle way was a, I thought funny black man and Duncan, Shuans best friend. Behind them was a typical truck driver, he was from long island and smelled of a pipe, sausage and sweat. Not to mention he barely fit in his seat. After about 5 min of sitting there I realized there was an altercation happening between the awful bus driver and the nice grandmother who was now in the very back row. Next thing I know this nice man in front of me, the man whom I now know as my boyfried, jumps into the altercation defending the older woman who was being told that she had to hold both of her small grandchildren in her lap for the next 4 hours of our trip because she did not have a ticket for both of them. Long story short Shaun told Lafuanda that the lady had been with them the whole way and had no problems until now and wanted to know why she was making it such a big deal. Lafuanda proceeded to inform him he could shut up or give up his seat to one of the kids. He promptly shut his mouth. Another woman on the bus offered to hold one of the kids seeing as she was the very next stop only a 30 min or so trip away. Problem dissolved.

Some how I was able to weasel my way in to conversation with this cute guy in front of me, at this point I dont know much but I like the way hes dressed and I think his smile is pretty special, by telling him about the crazy guy sitting in front of him. Like a little kid with a stick at the zoo he used the things I told him to push the guy into another episode which kept us all entertained for a while. After that this guy, who I now knew as Shaun from Vermont, turned around in his seat and I leaned out into the isle and we had a nice conversation amongst the group of us. A few, at this point in the trip time was lost on me, hours passed and we had a stop where everyone had to get off the bus. Honestly I was worried about losing my opportunity to talk to this guy, managed to make my way over to where he and Duncan were having something to eat and kindly asked if Flo and I could join them. Once they were done eating they got up leaving Flo and I sitting at the table and I figured my chances were done. She had this weird, even for her, smile on her face and when I asked what it was about her response was " that one has a crush on you". I shrugged it off, especially when I got back on the bus and realized he had moved seats. Thats when I realized my bag was gone. I started to look around for it thinking I had just gone to the wrong row when Shaun caught my eye and said " I moved your stuff back here with me... is that ok?". UMM yes. So I went and sat down and before I even got a sentence out he asked if he could give me his phone number. The look on flos face was priceless as she turned around in her seat just in front of us and winked at me. We talked about some of the most random things, but there was something about this guy. When he got off the bus I couldnt stop thinking about him. When I got a chance to charge my phone and turned it on, I had gotten a text from him that said something to the effect of he was glad he met me. For the rest of my trip we continued talking, first with a few texts and then phone calls. That was it. My family and friends can attest to this...I havent stopped calling and texting him since that day.
I have seen him too.

But back to the Greyhound story.....

After a few more interesting stops and a few run ins with clearly unstable people, namely the Arab and the white supremest -he was with me all the way to Denver...and was the one Shaun might as well have been trying to poke with a stick like an animal at the zoo...He was in the middle of a dead sleep and opened his eyes only long enough to yell " every time I have an idea the white man steals it and turns it to the big screen and black man is always stealing my music."-I had to separate from my little friend Flo. Or so I thought. 4am we rolled in to whatever town it was and we get off the bus, I finally had time to brush my teeth and felt it was ok to leave my bags long enough to do so, and we went to our respective doors to sleep on benches and wait for the snow to stop long enough for the buses to come. This is where I met the pot farmer from Denver.Rasta had nothing on this guy. Dreads and baggy clothes covered his frail 6 foot 2 frame of nothing but bones. His version of Flo, well call him fat rasta, was maybe 5 foot 8 and an easy 220. Some how I felt a connection with these two, maybe it was because they were the only 2 out of the 12 of us on the next bus who spoke english. But after they got me searched by the cops in KC bus depot for even being near them and then Fat rasta spilled his water all over my bag, which had my computer and camera in it, I was pretty much done. What I didnt know what that was just the beginning of these two...Skinny rasta wouldnt shut up about his pot and his woman and fat rasta just wanted some attention and did the much less believable version of all the pot he smokes and all his women. Luckily there was a very nice recently married Marine who was willing to let me come sit with him and watch " Boondocks 2". Thank you. Skinny rasta FINALLY got off in Denver along with the crazy Arab and the " white people steal my movies black people steal my music" guy. Remind me to never walk around Denver alone.

I was sure I was in the clear, there was no way that anything else could happen. I mean I was in Denver and clearly all the crazies were going to Denver... not leaving. Well not such luck. The very nice lady I thought I sat behind was in fact also extremely mental. As she was talking to me about all of her lovers, some in prison some not, she also let me know that she liked the ladies as well. She was a 385 pound ( I know because she told me) black woman from Compton. She is also the mother of the two kids who were killed by there aunt a few years ago. The ones that were starved to death and all of that...I knew what she was talking about and remembered thinking when it was all in the news, where was their mother? Well I now knew she was too busy with her Johns and her other 7 kids. Sad situation. Creepy situation. Again, Im thinking there is nothing left to happen... and again I was wrong. Our bus was sideswiped by a 20 year old farmer taking his cows to auction. I repeat Our bus was sideswiped by a TRAILER FULL OF COWS. So now we had to sit on the side of I 80 in WY and wait for the staties to come and take all of our statements. I had been on a bus for 68 hours. I had in fact seen it but truly thought I was delusional until we pulled over.

It was smooth sailing in to Salt Lake from there...Until Natalie and I decided to move 3 days early at 3 pm on Thursday. We left Salt Lake early the next morning. But that in and of its self is another story. This is already too long for any normal soul to read. But it is every word truth. Believe me. I might be good but NO ONE could make this stuff up... even Jerry springer's shows start somewhere in truth.

Dear Mono.

PLEASE GO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYY

I went to the doctor about 3 weeks ago. Long story short you know its bad when a few things happen at the doctors visit:

1. the PA looks at your throat and is visibly shocked.

2. the Doctor looks at your throat and says " I bet that feels awesome" while looking away in... fear?...maybe.

3. your mono test comes back and the PA is so excited that its positive because she had never even seen a positive mono test. " Im sorry its you but I was really thinking I would never get to see one of these come up positive. Im just so excited"

I hadnt been able to swallow in 2 days. I was tired and thirsty and basically thought I was at deaths door steps. So after some more test, my liver was out of wack and I was in great need of pain killers ( no Tylenol bc of the liver situation) and armed with heavy duty antibiotics.

Ah how wonderful it is to get a sip of water when you havent even been able to swallow even if you have to take a horse pill of antibiotics when you do. 14 days of amoxicillin and my throat is still not what one would call normal but better.

I miss Utah. I cant wait to be better so I can work... so I can move to Asheville.... so I can go back to school! With a real major and a plan and everything... I KNOW?!!? who would have thought.

But... I have gone to the beach

Ok. So I have been home for a week and.... 2 whole days. I have done NOTHING. Nothing. I have applied for like 8 or 10 jobs because once I got home I realized I did not want to go back to working at the center because well... simply...most of the people there annoy me. Any one who knows me knows I dont really do "annoying" well. I tend to get done with that and stupidity very quickly. I never really have been able to handle those two things.But I digress--so I have done nothing. And to add to doing nothing I sleep until like noon. I keep trying to go to bed early, but then I get distracted by a book ( I have read 3 since Ive been home), or by a tv show ( I have watched all the episodes of Greek --and am now addicted to it and Cappie) and realize that it is 4 am or 6am or well sometimes even 8am. The days seem to take forever and the nights fly by so quickly. I feel like I have been away from Utah for like months....but when I look back and realize its only been 9 days I cant figure out what in the world I have done.

I love the way things look after it rains...

I miss Utah. I miss my dear friends. I miss my jeep---BUT I am really happy to be home. I am really excited to see where this road takes me. About a week and a half ago the decision was made to move that weekend. So I packed up as much as I could and left friday morning for Tara's wedding in New Mexico.

That wedding was not what I expected. I truely wasnt sure about the colors or the wooden flowers; however I was wrong. The wedding but beautifuly done, with much thanks to Jon for being so tall that he could reach the ceiling of the church from the ladder. And the reception went off with very few hitches. To be honest... I probably could cut of the dress, make it shorter and wear it again, but for now Ill leave it long in hopes of some fancy gala coming up and it being the perfect event to strut my stuff at.

I made it back to NC on sunday evening. Ill be here unil the end of Febuary when I will go back to get my stuff and drive it all back to NC....and then Im in NC until August.

I sit here in the house I grew up in at 1:30 in the morning, which is nothing new, trying to sort through all of the decisions I will be making soon. I never understood why I prethink things that I'm going to think about. I guess its the brainstorming session of decison making. Thinking about going abroad. Thinking about going back to school. Thinking about somethings that people have brought to my attention lately. Actually, It was Megan and Tim who really got my mind churning on this one. (for those of you who dont know... meggie and tim are married and if you had asked me a year and a half ago I would have told you there was no chance of the three of us being anything more that acquaintances. who knew that not only was I wrong, I was REALLY wrong. Meggie and Tim are two of the most amazing friends anyone could ask for. They have been there for me with every decision I made, wither it was good bad or just plain Katie weird. I miss them both in their own ways and together as a couple and examples. Basically I really just miss them. Love you guys). But I digress back to think thinking dilemma. I have been putting a lot of thought into some career choices that really seem to make more sense for me and already make me happier than I thought I could be with the thought of work. I was really hooked on Publishing for such a long time... I would think about something else and come back to it-think about something else and come back over and over again. I never really let this new option creep in too much because it seemed to be something that wouldn't fit into what I thought I wanted with my life. I guess I just need to think it through before I start letting people in on the secret.

I guess that's it til the next brainstorming session. Maybe soon we'll get some adventure... and far less boredom.